How to find the perfect starting point for your memoir

When it comes to memoir writing, one of the most common struggles aspiring authors face is figuring out where to begin. The thought of writing your life story can be overwhelming, and staring at a blank page might leave you wondering, “Where do I start?” Should you begin with your childhood? A pivotal moment in your career? Or perhaps the event that changed everything?

The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The perfect starting point for your memoir is personal, unique to your story, and often rooted in a moment that resonates with deep emotion or significance. To help you identify that powerful beginning, let’s explore some strategies and exercises that can break past the overwhelm and guide you toward the ideal starting point for your memoir.

Why the Starting Point Matters

In memoir, the beginning sets the tone and direction for the entire narrative. It’s the entryway into your story, the hook that pulls readers in. Starting at the right moment allows readers to immediately connect with you as the protagonist, feel the emotions you experienced, and understand the context of your journey.

However, the starting point is not necessarily the chronological beginning of your life. Memoirs often begin at a point of transformation or crisis — the moment that set your story into motion. This is because memoirs are less about telling every detail of your life and more about exploring a theme, transformation, or lesson. The perfect starting point will reflect the heart of your memoir’s message.

1. Identify the Moment of Change or Realization

Most memoirs are driven by some form of change or personal growth. To find the best starting point for your story, consider the moment in your life when everything shifted. What event or realization set you on a new path, or made you see things in a completely different way? This could be a sudden event, like a loss or a life-changing decision, or it could be a slower realization that unfolded over time.

For example, if your memoir is about overcoming adversity, you might start at the moment when you first encountered the challenge. If your story is about finding peace with your past, your starting point could be the event that brought those past memories rushing back.

Exercise #1: Reflect on Your Moments of Change
Take out a notebook and list the major turning points in your life. These could be events, decisions, or moments of deep personal insight. Once you have your list, ask yourself: Which of these moments feels like the start of the story I want to tell? Where did my transformation begin?

2. Focus on a Scene that Captures the Heart of Your Story

Memoir writing often benefits from a scene-based approach, especially at the beginning. Rather than starting with background information or exposition, try plunging readers into a vivid, emotionally charged moment. Choose a scene that captures the essence of your story’s theme and brings your emotions to the forefront.

For instance, if your memoir is about resilience, you might open with a scene where you’re faced with an obstacle and forced to make a tough decision. Or, if your memoir is about healing from trauma, you could begin with a scene that shows a moment of deep vulnerability.

Exercise #2: Visualize Your Most Emotional Scene
Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Think about a time in your life when you felt a powerful emotion — joy, fear, anger, sadness, or hope. Where were you? What were you doing? Write out this scene in as much detail as possible, using sensory details to transport the reader to that moment. How does this scene capture the essence of your memoir’s theme?

3. Start In the Middle of the Action

Sometimes, the best way to hook readers is to begin in the middle of a significant event. Known as "in medias res," this technique drops readers directly into the action, creating suspense and a sense of urgency. It can be an effective way to engage readers quickly and build interest.

For example, if your memoir centers on a harrowing experience, like surviving an accident or escaping a difficult situation, starting in the midst of that event can immediately draw readers in. After setting the scene, you can then flash back to give context, but the initial hook will already have them invested in your story.

Exercise #3: Start with a Moment of High Tension
Think of a moment in your life where the stakes were high — where you were faced with a challenge, a crisis, or a decision that had significant consequences. Start writing from the middle of that scene, as if you’re in the heat of the moment. How does it feel? What thoughts are racing through your mind? By starting with tension, you create a compelling entry point into your memoir.

4. Ask Yourself: What’s the Emotional Core of Your Story?

Memoirs are about emotions as much as events. To find the right starting point, think about the emotional journey you want to take your readers on. What’s the core emotion or theme that runs through your memoir? Is it about love, loss, perseverance, forgiveness, or something else? The starting point should introduce this emotional undercurrent.

For example, if your memoir explores the complexity of family relationships, you might start with a poignant family gathering that evokes the key emotions of your story. Or, if your memoir is about personal redemption, you might begin with a moment that symbolizes hitting rock bottom before the climb upward.

Exercise #4: Identify the Emotional Thread
Jot down the key emotions you want your memoir to convey. Now, think about moments in your life that evoke those emotions. Which scene, memory, or experience makes you feel those emotions most strongly? How could this serve as a potential starting point?

5. Consider Starting with a Question or Conflict

A strong opening often poses a question or introduces a conflict that will be explored throughout the memoir. This could be an external conflict (such as a difficult relationship or an obstacle you’re facing) or an internal conflict (like grappling with self-doubt or searching for meaning).

Starting with a question or conflict not only gives your story momentum but also invites readers to join you on the journey toward resolution. It sets up the central problem of your memoir — the question your story seeks to answer.

Exercise #5: Write Your Central Conflict
What is the central conflict or question that drives your memoir? Write it down. Now, brainstorm a scene or moment that introduces this conflict or poses this question. Write the opening of your memoir from this point, inviting readers into the heart of your struggle.

Conclusion: Finding the Starting Point Is a Journey

Remember, the perfect starting point for your memoir is the one that feels right for your story. It’s the moment that tugs at your heart and demands to be told. As you experiment with different starting points, don’t be afraid to rewrite and revise until you find the one that resonates most deeply with you and your readers.

If you're feeling stuck, don’t worry — every memoirist faces the challenge of beginning. The key is to keep writing, keep exploring, and trust that your starting point will reveal itself with time and practice.

Ready to dive deeper? If you’re still unsure where to begin, download my free writing prompts resource to help you spark ideas, break through writer’s block, and find the perfect starting point for your memoir.

Happy writing!