From the Heart: Why Vulnerability Is Essential in Memoir Writing

I have a library of favorite books my husband and I have collected over the years. We’ve saved the classics and now-banned books our children read in middle and high school. Surely their kids will read them some day.

My kitchen also houses a library of a few dozen cookbooks, a binder with favorite recipes from friends, like Kathy’s breakfast hash brown potatoes, Diana’s banana bread, and Stephanie’s kugel. Also on the shelf in our island cupboard are two of Ina Garten’s cookbooks: Cooking for Jeffrey and Go-To Dinners.

I’m a Barefoot Contessa fan, but I have yet to watch new episodes of Be My Guest. Reminder to myself: add this to the list of programs to DVR. This weekend, I’m cooking one of my favorite Ina recipes: delicious rigatoni with sausage and fennel, which I’ll serve to my brother and sister-in-law while I’m in Kentucky for the Louisville Book Festival.

Although she has produced 13 cookbooks, Garten’s latest book is her memoir. Be Ready When the Luck Happens. Memoir is my favorite genre, not because I wrote one about life as a political spouse, but because reading about others’ lives teaches me about the human experience in a way unlike a magazine article or news story can.

Different than biographies, memoirs are written by the person who experienced the events recounted, the transformations endured, and the revelations discovered.

In a recent article by Rachel Ringler for The Times of Israel, Garten remarked about the importance of being vulnerable in your writing. Garten’s memoir reveals a painful, abusive childhood, the antithesis to the life she and Jeffrey have crafted in the Hamptons.

Few want to eulogize a painful childhood to anyone, and most would run as far away as possible from a less-than-ideal upbringing. From the story: She was terrified to write a memoir because she knew that if she committed to doing so, “I would have to be open, honest and vulnerable,” she writes.

I haven’t had the chance to read her memoir, but I can imagine that the vulnerability Garten exudes in her story will be a gift for her readers, regardless of whether they have a similar lived experience or were fortunate to be raised in a more bucolic, loving home.

Memoirs allow authors to achieve catharsis while leaving a legacy. Without intent, they teach, inspire, and entertain. Each reader will glean something different from Garten’s stories, and isn’t that the point of all art? We consume it, interpret it, and take from it that which is most meaningful and moving for us.

Writing experts say that memoirs are the most difficult genre to write. I counter that with the notion that all writing is difficult because in sharing our words crafted from our thoughts and ideas, we are sharing a part of ourselves many keep hidden.

The pull that a writer feels is sharing his or her words, fiction or not, is undeniable. Memoirists will tell you that they have a need from within to “get their stories out.” Writers must write, but crafting memoirs requires authors to harness vulnerability that is often uncomfortable or awkward.

I hesitate in putting memoirs on a pedestal and imply that memoirists work a certain sort of magic denied to other writers. But writing a memoir requires a level of vulnerability that can be difficult to harness.

In deciding to write a memoir, we commit to sharing our thoughts, our craft, and our words with the world. It's a form of art, and all art is open to criticism. Imagine standing in front of a painting in a museum, surrounded by a group of art aficionados. Everyone will have an opinion. Some will pan the work. Others will celebrate it. All will have an opinion. The same is true for writing and the words we courageously share with the world. But, when we share our experiences, even the painful and difficult ones, we engage in the act of being vulnerable.

As hard as that can seem at first, it’s vital that aspiring authors harness vulnerability to reveal the true essence of their stories, and to convey the transformation they experienced that is the heart of their memoirs.

Learning to embrace the idea of being vulnerable in our writing is a gift for our readers. They deserve the absolute best from writers. They also have an authenticity radar. If we try to get away with telling our story without really diving into the emotions and feelings we’ve experienced, they will know. They won't read our work. They'll lose interest and add the book to the did-not-finish pile. Worse: Your story won't be told.

Why risk that when you've invested time and effort in committing to writing your memoir?

My guide, 7 Steps for Embracing Imperfection, helps writers tap the vulnerability necessary to make their memoirs shine. Aspiring authors who can become adept at freely sharing feelings, fears, and heartfelt emotions are better equipped to craft a narrative that will resonate with readers, bringing them on the journey with them. That is why people read. They want authors to guide, inform, and entertain them.

Once you begin to become comfortable with being vulnerable in your writing, it becomes a form of muscle memory. I promise it will get easier, and your writing will be better for it.

Download my free guide today and start embracing vulnerability in your writing.